As Valentine’s Day approached, Allison found herself on pins & needles. Right. Would Steve remember this time?

In their 15 years together he had never managed to get her with chocolate she loved ON Valentine’s Day. It is usually showed up with a few days after Valentine’s Day, but she really wanted it as a Valentine’s Day gift.

She had been hinting for weeks. “I love chocolate on Valentine’s Day.” She had found so many opportunities to remind him that when Valentine’s Day was coming, that he could not get it wrong again this year.

Valentine’s day came & for the 15th year a row nothing happened. Allison was devastated. However on the day after Valentine’s Day Steve presented her with a enormous box of Valentine’s candy.

At her next coaching session Allison recounted the sad :( tale. “Why can not he get it right? He does know I like candy & he does get it for me. Why can not he get it for me on Valentine’s Day?”

After speculating together for a few minutes Allison decided that Steve’s heart really was in the right place but something was wrong with their communication. She decided that hinting was not working & she needed a new strategy. One evening after dinner she asked if she could talk with him. She explained how disappointed she was that she did not get her chocolates on Valentine’s Day.

He was amazed. He explained that he knew she loved chocolate & that the day after Valentine’s Day all the chocolate was marked down to ½ price. He could buy her twice or two times as much for the same amount of money if the only waited 24 hours. He had no idea :idea: that receiving a gift on Valentine’s Day was what Allison really wanted most.

She explained that for the 17 years they had known each other, she had been waiting for him to make her Valentine’s Day romantic by giving her a gift on that day. She had told stories about how romantic it would be to get a Valentine’s Day gift. OK. She had been dropping hints about gift she wanted to receive & she had been giving him cards, but nothing had happened.

He looked blank. “I never knew you wanted anything until you started telling me about chocolate. As soon as I realized what you wanted I got it for you.” By this time she was in tears. “I can not believe our communication is so messed up.”

Steve told her, “I can not read your mind, just tell me what you want & I will be glad to do it for you… I just want to be happy. I never knew what I was doing wrong. I guess I just can not hear hints.” Allison pleaded, “Next year will you give me chocolate on Valentine’s Day? And I mean ON Valentine’s Day!” Steve methodically made a note in this calendar Allison did not ask what it was.

The next year, ON Valentine’s Day, Allison received a large box of chocolates, a romantic card & a dozen roses. She was ecstatic.

The moral this story is that mind reading is an inexact art. Next time mind reading isn’t working for you, attempt having a conversation in which you state clearly what you want, & be sure that your partner understands you… You may be pleasantly surprised :o at the result.

(Names have been changed to protect privacy.)

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., Master Certified Coach, specializes in helping clients create dynamic, effective relationships. Author, 124 Tips for Having a Great Relationship & Being Happy Together. http://www.RelationshipHQ.com/blog/ Email feedback [at] laurieweiss [dot] com