It is hard enough to enter the dating scene as a single parent but for single dad’s who are raising their kids alone it’s even trickier. Unfortunately most of the advice & support out there is for single mothers since society is so used to mom’s getting custody. But times are changing & more & more father’s are getting at least joint if not soul custody of their children. Just because the legal system has changed does not mean that society, & dating, have caught up.

It’s a sad :( fact that many women expect the men that they’re dating to place them at the top of their priority lists, before work & family. That might be possible for the single guys & weekend parents but when you’re an active single father your kids have to come first. OK. Some guys attempt to juggle between girlfriends with Princess syndrome & their kids but in the end it just leads to hurt feelings. There is more. The first rule of being a single dad in the dating world is to be selective. It is better to wait around for a woman who appreciates & understands the primacy of your role as a father then to go through dozens of bad :cry: relationships with girls who do not get it… There’re women out there who not just accept that being a Dad comes first to you, they also find it attractive. So where are these women at? The truth is that you’re going to have to shift your hunting ground from bars & clubs, where the women tend to be younger & less mature, to places like coffee shops & book clubs. Do not actually be afraid to date single mothers, even though the fact you both have kids can make it complicated to schedule rendezvous & coordinate babysitters. It’s worth it since you both have a dedication to family & share many of the same experiences. And do not rule out on line dating sites. Getting to know somebody through emails & phone calls first can assist you focus your limited time with people who have shown that they understand you & your situation.

Once a single father does find some one to start dating on line they’re trapped by the old rules of what men are expected to do in romantic relationships. Let us start with money… There’re many single dads who are getting little, if any, child support from their exes & finances are tight. But the old rules about men paying for dates are still in play, even though the woman you’re taking out might be making more then you… So instead of taking your date to dinner & a movie, which can easily reach a fifty to eighty bucks for both of you, look for things that are less expensive but more romantic. An afternoon picnic at a park for example. There’re dozens of low cost exhibitions, fairs, & community events going on in your town every weekend & these make great places to take a date. Then there is the issue of sex. Guys are expected to make the first move to the bedroom which is hard when you have kids at your home, not to mention that you have to be home before midnight to pay the babysitter. You may feel like you’re a teenager again having to make out in the back of cars & in parking lots because you can not go home. But you are not sixteen anymore & you’re old enough to be easily able to talk about the logistics of these issues with your girlfriend. If you are not ready to talk about it then you guys probably are not ready to be doing it.

So now that you have found the right woman through your on line dating, you just need to introduce her to the kids. It’s important that you do this delicately & without a of promises. Make it clear to the kids, & your lady, that she is not coming in to be their Mother. This is important because they have already lost one full time mother, if the relationship fails & they lose another one it will be devastating. You are the primary caregiver & decision maker in these kids lives. If your girlfriend takes on the role of Mommy she may end up usurping that authority.

Melissa Becker is a contributing writer for www.parentfishing.com, a free on line dating service for singles with kids.