There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting, dating, breaking up, establishing exclusivity, commitment, & keeping the love you find. Each of these stages vary in length & intensity. At each stage, there’re thoughts & feelings telling you what to do & when to do it… You need to learn to listen to your intuition in each stage, so that you can make smart decisions.

It is important to note that the breaking up stage can happen at any time within the other stages; i.e., at any time you or the other person decides to exit the relationship for whatever reason.

In all seven stages, you always have these choices:

1. Continue moving forward

2. Stagnate

3. Slow down or go backwards

4. Exit

By taking notice of the signals from your head & heart, you’ll be better able to interpret what your intuition is telling you… At each stage, consider, ‘What am I thinking & feeling?’ Are you receiving conflicting messages? Is your head saying one thing & your heart another? This is often the case, particularly in romantic relationships. Right. What will happen is there is an agreement error, a contrast between your thoughts & your feelings. There is more. This is perfectly normal. Just remember that you have your very own internal system of checks & balances. There is more. This system was designed to keep you safe. For the moment, it’s temporarily out of order, probably due to stimulation overload. So, before making any decision at this time, go somewhere quiet’ the answers will come with reflection & focus.

Once the answer comes, you should act rapidly so you do not have time to doubt your decision. You should never feel trapped or unable to select what’s right for you… If at any time you do feel this way, then that is a good sign that something isn’t right with the relationship. You then need to examine what it’s that is holding you back. If it turns out to be the other person, you’re probably better off leaving the relationship.

A smart way to make important stage decisions is to mutually agree on what to do next. After all, ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be,’ so you may as well start out making important decisions together. Couples who have good relationships know that it takes time to build their love. They make a conscious effort to progress slowly & purposefully through each stage, enjoying the process, while allowing their love to develop naturally.

Communicating with each other is essential to this process. You should be open & honest about your concerns & fears, so that you can trust that everything has been said & understood by both parties. Even if you find that things are not what you would have hoped for, at least you know what’s going on & then you can work on making it better.

Levels of Love

Most of us have experienced love blindness. Right. We either think we love some one or do not realize until it’s too late that we actually did love someone. You do not have to be blinded by love. You have the power to recognize it, but you must use smart decision-making skills to avoid making fatal relationship mistakes. In this section, work on waking up your awareness so that you’ll act in ‘knowing.’ The first step is to become familiar with the stages of relationships & the corresponding levels of love that you or your partner will most likely experience.

Relationship Avoidance Stage

‘I do not desire love’

Goal: to prepare yourself for love

Characterized by non-interest

Meeting Stage

‘I am open to finding love’

Goal: to prospect for the possibility of love in others

Characterized by anticipation

Dating Stage

‘I hope to find love’

Goal: to pre-qualify for a potential partner

Characterized by uncertainty

(These three stages represent being single & the importance of using the ‘Screen-out’ process.)

Breaking Up Stage

‘I no longer have love with this person’

Goal: to let go of the person/love

Characterized by disappointment/relief

(Breaking up is a transitional stage.)

Exclusivity Stage

‘I think this is love’

Goal: to further qualify the person to see if she/he might be a good match

Characterized by excitement

Commitment Stage

‘I know this is love’

Goal: to close the deal

Characterized by confidence

Keeping the Love You Find Stage

‘I want to keep this love’

Goal: to preserve the love you have found

Characterized by continuous commitment

(These three stages represent being involved & the importance of using the ‘Screen-in’ process.)

The key is to consciously place yourself in each stage. By example, if you decide you want to be in the ‘dating stage’ then be fully present & make a true effort to make yourself available for dating. If, how ever, you find that your heart is not in it, & that you would rather avoid relationships, then you really need to stop & consciously put yourself back in that stage. This will often help you to stay clear on what you want & enable you to honestly communicate to others “where you’re at.’ Each level & stage of the relationship is a transition & involves psychological & emotional energy. As you progress through each level, you’ll no doubt experience excitement & anxiety, hope & fear, arousal & dis-arousal, certainty & uncertainty, along with a myriad of other feelings. You’ll need to work hard at balancing the messages that you’re receiving from both your head & your heart to most accurately interpret the incoming, overwhelming information?it is very easy! to be misled.

***This article is adapted from the book, Get Smart! About Modern Romantic Relationships: Your Personal Guide to Finding Right & Real Love by Michelle L. Casto

Michelle L. Casto, Ph.D. Candidate is known as the Soul Diva Coach, Speaker, & Author of the Get Smart! LearningBook Series. She has authored 3 books & a dozen workbooks on life empowerment topics. Her coaching practice is Brightlight Coaching, she helps people come up with bright ideas for their life & empowers them to freely shine their bright light to the world. To visit:

To receive your free special report, You Can Transform Your Life Now visit http://www.smartlifechanges.com http://www.getsmartseries.com & http://www.brightlightcoach.com Contact her for a complimentary 30 minute session: m [dot] casto [at] brightlightcoach [dot] com