The idea :idea: behind matchmaking has been around for as long as dating. There is always a situation when some one knows some one who would “be perfect” for some one else. And sure many relationships probably started out that way. It takes the pressure off the daters, because the middle man has done the work for them. But the problem is out of every one relationship that started out this was maybe ten have failed miserably. There our “professional” matchmakers that produce better odds because they study people & relationships as a career. But even they can not guarantee that they will find someone’s perfect match. Matchmaking isn’t exactly a perfect science…Or is it?

eHarmony is a relatively new concept in on line dating. When you look at the big picture, personals have been on the web for a long time before eHarmony was even a thought in somebody’s head. But apparently something in the on line dating world had called for a change or at least that is what the founders of eHarmony thought. The whole idea :idea: behind the site is that a lengthy, intimate personality profile is the only information needed to find a compatible match. This profile is developed by a relationship expert, or a psychologist specializing in relationships, or even better, a “relationship scientist”. They use the term “scientifically proven” effectively to give daters the feeling that something more important is going into their on line experience. Their matches are “hand-picked” & delivered to them with a shiny red bow & all they have to do is pick which ones they want to talk to. This is a battle of science vs. free will. Sure they get to select from their “perfect matches” but these customers go into the experience with the idea :idea: that whatever eHarmony gives them has to be the perfect person for them because the choices are based closely on proven science.

The problem with this is that it takes away from the dating experience which should be just as fun as the ensuing relationship. The typical personals websites, like Match.com & Yahoo! Personals, in a way are more like the outside world. Really the only difference is that dater knows who is available & looking to meet someone. But the ability to select who they want to talk to & who they do not want to talk to is still there. No one swoops down & picks out two or three people & says these are the people who you should be talking to. On a large dating site, there’re literally hundreds of thousands available singles, & the only restriction is set by the daters themselves. Do they want to meet some one down the street or from across the country?

If you have not figured it out yet, I’m not a big fan of matchmaking websites. Sure they may work well for some people. Those who do not have the time to enjoy the dating experience. Those who have given up on the more conventional way that two people meet, those who do not know what they’re looking for, or even possibly those who like having things just handed to them. Dating should be more like a system of trial & error, good & bad :cry: experiences, & most importantly meeting people who are not like yourself. How is it that you get to meet new & interesting people that you can learn from, when people are hand-picked for you because they’re most like you… It’s not like I do not believe in science, I’m a scientist myself. But sites such as eHarmony use the term science too loosely. They definitely use it to their advantage, convincing many people that matches that are given them are the most scientifically sound choices for them. But what about the million other singles on their website that they never get to talk to because they answered some questions differently on a test.

The bottom line is that on line dating doesn’t have to be all that different from the real world. It should be a fun experience. You should be easily able to make your own decisions from the first point that you log into the website. Walk up to that person that catches your eye & say “Hi”. The worst thing that could happen is that you do not get a response or hopefully a polite “sorry, not interested”. Go ahead & make some mistakes that is part of the whole experience. But during the process you meet interesting people, experience new things, & maybe do something that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. And do not worry people on regular dating sites do meet that special some one all the time, but the also get the satisfaction of knowing that they were able to do it themselves. I’m proof of that… If you want to know more about the most popular on line dating sites look through the reviews on the top 15 sites & pick up your free copy of the 55-page guide to on line dating success. And yes, eHarmony is there because it still is a popular site. How can it not actually be when you can not go 30 minutes without seeing its commercials on TV.

Chris Hickey Ex-Online Dater (met & married) “Been surfing the net for 12 years..seen some things that impress me & some things that disappoint me, but I’m far from seeing it all.”

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