Examples of innovative ways to propose to your girlfriend.

Sometimes, a romantic proposal will determine the answer of your girlfriend to your proposal. This is the reason why it’s vital that you do it right. Finding the right way to propose is very easy to do. This is assuming that you know your girlfriend & her interests. By example, if your girlfriend is the type of person who likes to go straight to sporting events, having the words “will you marry me” on the big screen will have a big effect.

Taking your girlfriend out for a romantic trip & proposing during the trip is another way to do it while she is having a good time. By example, you & your girlfriend go straight to an Alaskan cruise, & while on the main deck looking at the stars during a clear night you go down on one knee & ask her to be your wife. Combining an unforgettable vacation along with a memorable moment will guarantee that she will never forget that day for the rest of her life.

Women want this moment to be truly memorable. If you think that there’re no new ways to ask your girlfriend to spend the rest of their life with you, you’re wrong. It only requires a little effort & a lot of preparation on your part.

Girlfriends gives detailed information on Girlfriends, Ex Girlfriends, Find A Girlfriend, New Girlfriends & more. Girlfriends is affiliated with Gifts For Guys.

There are two ways to look at this.. First, is the “explicit” side of what a person is communicating. Second, logically, is the “implicit” side. Here we go.

By “explicit”, we’re referring to what some one is objectively, really saying in his/her own words. There’re some concrete indicators you can look for:

“No games.” Essentially, the person who says this has been “played” a lot & is utterly sick of being toyed with, lied to, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of that goes on, so a line like this is found in at least ½ of the profiles I have read. Such a person is really saying that s/he wants a steady relationship not ’serial dating’.

“I have no idea what to write.” Do not count on a particularly creative person behind this kind of talk. S/he might not have any idea what to say on a date either.

“I do not think this is going to work, but I am trying anyway.” This can characterize either bad experiences dating in general, or a poor self esteem. Plan on having to overcome these hurdles when & if you meet.

“If ___, then do not bother.” Generally, I had say if you see this line in a profile?don’t. Whether you fit the description or not. Bad attitudes abound.

“Read my profile completely before responding.” Make sure you do. There’s going to be some sort of limiting factor in there somewhere. This could be about either who s/he is OR who s/he’s looking for. If some one is going to be ultra-specific about who s/he is looking for, it might be signaled as such.

“I’m just searching for fun, nothing serious.” This might be easily able to be taken at face value, or you might just be dealing with a very careful person. “Friends first” is another, & probably clearer way to communicate this.

“I’ll attempt anything once, & am open to anything.” Men read this & think, “sex”. A woman might not mean that… Handle such apparent subliminal references to wanting a purely sexual relationship with care. If a guy is implying this, well you can pretty much know what you’re dealing with. However - guys are particularly prone to reading too much into what a woman writes in these cases. I do not know how many times I have heard about women having been disgusted by blatant propositions in first emails, only to realize that there is something in her own words that was inviting them.

The “Implicit” side involves the bigger picture as to what a person is communicating about him/herself through what s/he writes. Examples are as follows:

Negativity. If some one is continuously talking about dislikes, pet peeves, etc., you can count on meeting some one who is a complainer in real life. Bummer.

Pickiness. This is characterized by the phrase “I want”. Pay attention to how realistic the wants & needs are, & how forcefully they’re communicated. This can be a good thing, demonstrating the person has high standards and/or a solid self-esteem. Then again, if it is an esoteric list you could be dealing with some one who is never going to be satisfied.

Low Self-Esteem. An on line profile is no place to feel sorry for oneself. If such is being communicated with a person’s first impression, take that as a warning sign that you’re potentially dealing with an emotionally damaged person.

Poor Spelling/Grammar. A lot of smart people talk about how this is an immediate deal breaker when sorting through on line profiles. Be careful here. Some people may not actually be “right-brained” (i.e. artistic/linguistic) but in actual fact are brilliant on the “left-brained” (i.e. conceptual/analytical front. If some one misspells a word or two, read between the lines for greater depth & you could be reading about some one who compliments a “right-brainer’s” intelligence.

Length Of Narrative. If some one uses up every single character of the max amount of space allowed, s/he will likely be a “talker” in real life. No doubt, having kissed the Blarney stone is a help-ful trait to have when building an on line profile. Keep in mind, how ever, that a brief profile narrative can mean many things. Sure, the person may not have much to say in real life. However - a terse profile can also mean that the person just flat-out is not putting a lot of effort into the profile due to a “wait & see” attitude?which is not something to place a value judgment on, especially if the person just posted a profile for the first time ever. Or, the writer of a brief profile may just be A LOT more intuitive than “talker” types. Most of us have a short attention span and/or get intimidated when confronted with a profile that takes ten minutes to read. Hmmm?.there’s wisdom there.

Dependence Upon One’s Looks Alone. The flip side of the last item, how ever, is when some one (particularly a woman) considers the narrative a “throwaway”, saying virtually nothing & therefore indicating that pictures alone should compel you to write. This is a dead giveaway that you’re dealing with some one who hasn’t realized that “The Storybook” takes two people to write effectively. See what I mean?

Inconsistency. If the person is making statements that blatantly contradict one another, you can infer many potential pitfalls. First, you may be reading about a blatant liar?and a bad one at that… Or, this person may just not have a clear picture of who s/he is looking for. It could also be that such a person is confused about his/her own identity. Watch out.

Manipulation. It’s surprising to some degree how easy it’s to spell out M-A-N-I-P-U-L-A-T-O-R when reading an on line profile. Watch for clear double-standards. An example would be, “I demand a monogamous relationship & will not tolerate flirting”, followed elsewhere by, “My match must be okay with the fact that I’ve same-sex friends & not get jealous.” You get the idea.

Listing Possessions And Accomplishments. This person may be somewhat shallow, or more likely is covering for the fact that he/she isn’t so interesting to get to know apart from all the outward stuff. Men in particular are infamous for this sort of verbiage. And women can see right through it for the most part.

Sense of Humor. Are you laughing? You would in real life also, probably. Good sign.

Creativity. This is an excellent sign of a person who would be fun to hang out with. It is a valid idea to consider if the person’s creative style is along the lines of what your personality can relate to.

Smart Remarks. Read for the deeper attitude. If the person is openly cynical, that is one thing, but some one who is “challenging” can be a lot of fun if you’re up for it.

There are other more general principles that come alive when considering an on line profile as a whole.

First of all, when listing those “statistics” regarding what the person is looking for, men tend to keep the range broader on paper & are pickier in reality. For women, it appears to often be the exact opposite. Women will post stricter guidelines, but usually will be more flexible when some one particularly interesting comes along. With that in mind guys, do not let her laundry list of desired traits deter you necessarily. And ladies, realize that most guys who have been on line for a while know this fact, so if (for example) you do not want guys a few years older than your posted range contacting you, make certain you’re specific in your profile as demonstrated above.

Second, pay careful attention to those items that are decided simply by checking a box. Some of these are broad enough that it may seem you’ll be a good match with someone, when in reality you could not actually be more different. Ask about these things early when getting to know some one if there is any doubt. On Match.com members can select “turn ons” & “turn offs”, which is a particularly rich opportunity to learn about a person. A particular example is “skinny dipping”. When something as inherently hot as that is checked as a “turn off”, it likely signals body-image issues. If some one doesn’t want to bring sexuality into the picture just yet, s/he will just not check that box at all–either way. By applying this sort of logic, you can learn much based closely on what else the person checked.

I’m out of room, but most of the more important areas have been covered. Keeping these points in mind will help any on line dater to go from novice to expert in record time.

Scot McKay’s dating strategies for all those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.relationship-advice.us/. Stop by right now & grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with completely unique & practical dating tips.

First things first ? Check the weather & the itinerary at your destination, so you can plan your outfits ahead of time. Chances are that you already know most of your honeymoon plans, so take advantage of it, & save yourself some stress at the same time! When choosing your outfits attempt to mix & match as much as possible. You’ll be completely amazed at how easy it’s to get dressed when you have it all planned out ahead of time!

The easiest pieces to mix & match with are ‘neutral’ bottoms. A neutral color can be any of the following ? black, tan, white, khaki, navy, gray, & denim. Whether it be in the form of accessories, shoes, or a top, adding color to neutrals will make you honeymoon ready. Choose a neutral color or two & pack many different bottoms in those neutrals, such as a skirt, shorts, & pants, & throw in some colorful tops, jackets, accessories, & shoes & you’re set! You’ll be easily able to mix & match to create a new outfit every day from only a few basic pieces.

After you have checked your itinerary & have decided what you’ll pack to wear, it is time to make certain all your laundry is done. Start laundering your clothing the week before you’ll be leaving so everything will be clean & ready for packing. Do you follow? This theory also applies to anything that needs to be dry cleaned. Go ahead & get all dry cleaning completed before starting the packing process.

There is a little trick to packing without wrinkling your clothing ? it is called ‘rolling.’ Folding causes creases in your clothing, but rolling does not. The trick to getting the perfect ‘roll’ is to start with a smooth, wrinkle-free garment. If you roll up a wrinkled shirt, it will, of course, remain wrinkled, thus defeating the whole purpose. Another advantage of rolling is that it saves more space than folding does. You’ll be easily able to fit more into your suitcase by rolling. Do not actually be afraid to tightly pack rolled clothing.

Here are a few more packing tips to follow:

Pack your suitcase with the heavier items on the bottom.

Avoid taking clothing that you have not yet worn. You may not like the outfit as much as you thought you would

If you plan on doing some shopping while on your honeymoon, pack an extra carry on bag or leave a little extra room in your suitcase.

Stuff your underwear & socks into shoes & other empty spaces.

Wrap any belts you’re bringing around the perimeter of the suitcase.

Find travel size items of your most used (and bulky) items, such as shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, shaving cream, & deodorant.

Tuck some safety pins & stain remover pads or pen into your bag for unexpected emergencies.

Take a small travel candle or room spray (or both) to make stuffy rooms more palatable & to keep the bathroom ‘fresh.’ Do not let odors ruin a romantic mood. Incidentally, a small cologne spray in a fragrance that you’re not wearing can be a great room freshener. Just use it sparingly!

If possible, take only one pair of shoes for cocktails or dinner & coordinate outfits around the shoes.

Do the same for beach shoes & comfortable shoes for shopping or sightseeing trips. Footwear can take up too much space in the suitcase, so taking a pair for every possible outfit is unwise.

If plans include snow-skiing, consider shipping the bulky gear & clothing to the hotel or condo ahead of time & taking only essentials in easy- to -carry luggage when flying. Of course, you would need to call your place of lodging & make arrangements with the concierge before you ship. Doing so will increase the chances that your belongings will remain secure until your arrival.

Having a successful trip really depends on how well you PLAN before you pack!!

Erin Sharplin Love is a Certified Fashion & Image Consultant & a Certified Wedding Coordinator. If you had like to learn more about Erin or her services go straight to http://www.panachebyerin.com

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Some of the advantages of choosing a smaller bridal party include: less people to worry about regarding the cost & fittings of their wedding attire, fewer people to pick up, provide lodgings, & return to the airport, & less gifts to purchase for the bridal party. One big disadvantage may be that some important friends or family will feel left out. There will be less help in shopping, planning & hosting bridal showers, decorating, & making favors.

If the bride has six beloved sisters & the groom has only two close friends, a compromise may have to be made. It’s possible for the groom to use the bride’s brother, cousin, uncle or other relative as an attendant. If some of her sisters are already married, the groom can ask their husbands to be attendants & escort their wives. These selections will certainly please the bride’s family.

The flower girl & ring bearer should also be recognized as part of the bridal party. It has become more common to have many flower girls & even more then one ring bearer. (The number doesn’t have to match.) Strangely enough, pets have become attendants, with on line stores offering miniature tuxedos, flower girl dresses, top hats & tiaras! However many attendants they choose, the bride & groom will have the loving support of cherished family & friends on their special day.

Kathleen Terrana is the owner of Beautiful Bridal specializing in discount tiaras, veils & bridal jewelry.

DateClub — 5 minute speed dating events in Barcelona, Spain. Meet up to 15 single men & women.

25 Dates — Offers events for straight, gay & lesbian singles in Canada. Includes schedule, tips, FAQs, on line registration & contact information.

Ditch or Date — Events organized by age group in the UK. Provides background information, FAQs, schedule & on line registration.

Edmonton Date Night — Offers events in Edmonton, Canada organized by age and/or common interest. Online registration, schedule, FAQs & contact information included.

ExpressDate — Online events in the USA. Includes background information, on line registration & member profiles.

Fast Date — Hosting events in Australia. Includes tips, past event pictures, schedule & on line registration.

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HurryDate — Offering events internationally. Member gallery, schedule search, registration & general information included.

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Perfect Dates — Melbourne based speed dating service.

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SMARTdate — Smart Date is a speed dating events company based in South Africa - 5 minutes dates.

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Smwch — Events organized by age range in Cardiff, UK. Provides schedule & on line booking.

SoleStride — SoleStride is an active mixer group for Calgarians in their late 20s & upwards. Mixers include walks, runs, skates & lively socials.

Speed Dating 06 — Meet 10-15 singles on one evening. English spoken, all nationalities. Events in Nice & Cannes, France.

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SpeedDater — Meet up to 30 people in one night. E-mail contact details provided for scorecard matches.

UK Speed Dating — UK Speed Dating is a directory of speed dating events in the UK & London with listings of all major event organisers.

The Way to Date — Events for Northampton singles in the 21 to 35 years-old age range. Includes schedule, booking information & often asked questions.

WeekendDating.com — Long Island events on Friday or Saturday night at Union Square Lounge, Merrick. Includes schedule, venue information & on line booking.

When the Music Stops — Hosting Speed Dating evenings in the UK. Includes event descriptions & schedule, booking, venue details & contact information.

XDate — Events in London & throughout the UK. Schedule, on line booking, venue profiles & contact information included.

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Arameo+ Speed Dating — Speed dating in Schwerin, Germany

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Attraction Dating — Meet up to 20 single men & women on one date in Yorkshire & beyond.

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The first step is to start thinking about what people would find interesting about you… Remember, this is the only information that other singles will have to go by, & it helps them make the decision of whether to move forward or to move on. The number 1 factor here is to be honest. You may find yourself tempted to embellish a little here, like add a couple of extra inches to your height, adding a little more money to you income range, or even lying about your education or your job. Really, there in nothing to stop you from doing that, except for maybe one thing. What will happen if you meet some one that is perfect for you, some one you click with, some one who initially used your profile to get to know you better? They will soon find out that you have been lying from the start, & let me tell you that isn’t the greatest way to start off a relationship. So the easiest way to avoid this situation is to be honest from the beginning.

There are parts of the profile that are really straight forward. There is your age, your height, your education, all general questions that can be answered with very little trouble. But there’re also parts of the profile that will take some work, some thought, & some creativity. All on line dating sites have different formats for their profiles, but most all of them allow you to write some sort a headline, some information about you, & some information on what you’re searching for in a match. This is where your creativity & thought comes into play. Remember some one may be your complete clone in terms of general information, but it’s this special information that will set you apart. That is why you should not jump into this section without putting some major thought into it.

The headline is important because it’s usually the first thing that pops up in the search results (along with your photo, which we will talk about later). You want to come of with something catchy, witty, or romantic. But make certain it is not corny or childish. I’ve seen many profiles where people have used “Cannot think of a Headline” or “I am no Good at Headlines”. Do not ever do this, it tells the rest of the site that either you’re not really putting any effort into this or that you have no creativity. Either way, it will not bode well for the singles that are looking through their search results. I’m not saying that coming up with a good headline is easy, but it should not actually be the one thing that holds you back. I’m sure that you can come up with something witty like “Is there anybody out there who can assist me with this” that shows that you have a sense of humor. You can even say something romantic like “Looking for My Princess” or “Where’s My Knight in Shining Armor”, anything like this that will show other singles that you can be romantic. I’ve seen people attempt to use some old-fashioned pick-up lines. Now this can work, because it shows that you have a sense of humor, but it can also backfire because it can portray a lack of creativity. Either way select your words wisely because it may influence whether or not some one will give you a second look.

Now let us say that you have drawn someone’s interest & they have decided to give your profile a better look. Obviously they will be easily able to look through your general information which may not actually be any different from the last person they looked at. This when your personal introduction becomes so important. You need to use this opportunity to set yourself apart from the rest. Explain yourself in a creative way, include what you do for fun, what your interests are, what you look for in a person. You want to show others that you have a sense of humor & that you have a romantic side. Whatever you do, do not talk about your ex, do not talk about how every person you have dated has treated you badly, & do not talk about how you’re about to give up on relationships. Others may feel sympathy for you, but this isn’t the kind of reaction you want on a dating site. All this tells them is that you currently hold a grudge against the opposite sex & that there is likely to be too much drama in a relationship with you… Let people know if you’re just searching for friends or if you’re open to the possibility of a long term relationship. But in all, it’s important to be creative & upbeat, let people know that your are a fun person to be around. That is what will get you the most attention.

Then we come to what’s probably one of the most significant parts of your profile, the photo. Let us face it, the dating world is a visual one. Just think back to your last blind date & remember what was one of the factors that you were most worried about…what would they look like? The photo is what pops up next to your headline in the search results & is the first thing that some one looks at. The photo is so important that it’s a known fact that profiles that have a photo get 10 to 20 times mores views than profiles with no photos. In actual fact, many on line dating sites now offer search options that allow you to exclude all profiles that do not have a photo attached. But you can not just upload any photo. Pick your photo wisely. Make sure it’s up-to-date (no senior pictures for you 25 year olds), make certain it shows off your best features, & most of all make certain people can see you… Some big mistakes that people often make include uploading photos where the lighting is so bad that no one can see their face, uploading photos of them with their ex (even if their ex’s face is blacked out), uploading photos of themselves in large groups (where their friends look better than they do), & uploading photos taken from a cheap camera phone or webcam. Consider the photo as the deal maker, it can often make the difference between getting a date & spending the night alone. If you were not really considering uploading a photo at all, then you might as well not take this whole on line dating site thing seriously, because that is what most of the other members will be thinking about you, that is if they even look at your profile.

There is one last thing to remember. All on line dating sites will review your written material & photos before they appear up on your profile. They do this for a couple of reasons. First they want to make certain that you’re not writing anything that may be offensive to the other members, which includes your photo (remember this isn’t the time or place for exhibitionism). They also check to see that you’re not trying to cheat the system by placing a personal e-mail address or instant messenger ID in the text of your profile. I’m sure many people have tried it in the past, but the dating sites are getting much better at catching it.

The 3rd & final part of this guide will be coming soon, & it will include when it is time to become a full paying member & how to make that first move in contacting some one you’re interested in. Remember if you want to know more about the top on line dating sites got to Reviews of the Best Online Dating Sites And remember pick up your free copy of the 55-page guide to on line dating success.

Chris Hickey - Former on line dater (met & married) “Been surfing the net for 12 years..seen some things that impress me & some things that disappoint me, but I’m far from seeing it all.”

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Every year, thousands of couples get married. If you are planning your wedding, it’s likely that you will plan a honeymoon as well. Honeymoons are often looked upon as vacations. In a sense, they are. But there’re two major differences. Number one: romance is in the air. Number two: no kids. There is more. The bride, the groom & plenty of time. That makes honeymoons fun, exciting & memorable.

As previously mentioned, you have a number of different options when it comes to planning your honeymoon. Many newlyweds schedule their honeymoons at popular beaches, ski resorts, or other secluded areas. Did you know that you can also have a honeymoon aboard a cruise ship? Cruise ships are increasing in popularity, but still many individual persons do not consider them as a vacation option. And that is a shame.

You’ll be amazed!
One of the reasons why cruise ships are rarely thought about when selecting a vacation destination, let alone a honeymoon, is because of their cost. A cruise is thought to be expensive. Well, I?ll let you in on a little secret. They don?t have to be. The competition in the cruise line industry is killing. If you play your card smart, you can be the one that benefits. Do a Google search on discount cruise ship tickets & you?ll be amazed!

Those discount tickets are usually sold fast. OK. So here is the rule. First of all decide where you wane go & set your budget. Then sit down & do your homework on the computer (or with the help of a travel agent). Once you see an offer that fits your needs, do not hesitate. Jump on it & celebrate. You just made a dream reality!

Take it from a pro
Let me raise another question. Are cruises actually pricy? It’s important to examine the activities available onboard & the length of the cruise. The longer the cruise & the more services available, the more expensive tickets are likely to be. If you take the time to figure out all the services that are included & the cost of overnight accommodations, you may see that cruises are not all that expensive after all. Do the math & - again - you will be surprised.

Once you have made the decision to spend your honeymoon onboard a cruise liner, you will have to book reservations. Right. When examining cruise ship destinations, look for the possibility for romance. As your honeymoon is supposed to be a romantic & relaxing time, you will want to select destinations that will keep that spirit alive. Those destinations are all over the world. But take it from a pro: for newlyweds the Caribbean is the place to go. There’re over 7.000 islands. Pick a couple. No matter what islands you will be sailing for, there will be sandy white beaches, the friendliest people you can think of & lots of rum. You can not go wrong here.

Amorous & intimate
Before I forget: take a close look at the type of cruise you select. Most cruise lines have ships that are targeted to seniors, risk seekers or families. Stay away from the last two mentioned. Remember: you’re searching a private, amorous & intimate setting. Hard to find whit kids all over the swimming pool or adventure junkies bungee jumping from the upper decks…

Captain Jack Storms is a retired cruise ship captain. He runs a website called CaptainJacksCruise.info where he gives information on cruise destinations, preparations for a perfect cruise & much more.

Romantic gifts could be anything, from lavishly expensive to touchingly thoughtful & yet inexpensive personalized items. Perhaps you could buy a copy of a movie you first saw together. Or collect candles from your wedding & melt them all into one big candle, which you could light as a symbol & celebration of your love at every anniversary dinner for years to come.

An even more thoughtful idea would be an antique letterbox filled with all the love letters written between the two of you… Also, if you’re a bit of an early bird then what you could do is start sending a flower a day building up to your anniversary date. By example, if it’s the fourteenth anniversary then start sending her a flower a day fourteen days in advance. On the last & final day, give her fourteen in a bouquet.

Incredible but true! Have you ever noticed how some of the best love songs seem to have been sung just for you & your soul mate? So go ahead & gift her music that tells your love story. Watch her eyes well up with tears of joy!

You can almost never be generous enough with hugs & kisses; so go ahead & go all out on your anniversary. Hey, while you are at it why not just make that last the whole year through, because there is really nothing that can top a year long anniversary celebration!

Anniversary Gifts gives detailed information on Anniversary Gifts, Wedding Anniversary Gifts, First Wedding Anniversary Gifts, 25Th Wedding Anniversary Gifts & more. Anniversary Gifts is affiliated with Unusual Romantic Gifts.

Counselor: Okay?let me ask you this?well, let me preface the question with a few questions, easy questions?consider it a game?

Client: Okay

Counselor: What is the opposite of up?

Client: Down

Counselor: What is the opposite of hot?

Client: Cold

Counselor: What is the opposite of freedom?

Client:?umm?prison?being in prison is the opposite of freedom

Counselor: Okay?.what is it about being in prison that makes it the opposite of freedom?

Client:?well?you can not just do whatever you want?you can not eat whenever you want, or go straight to a movie?or talk on the phone?.there’s just so much you can not do?

Counselor: Okay?so the opposite of freedom isn’t being able to do what you want when you want?

Client: Yeah?Is that the right answer?

Counselor: There is no right answer?It’s just that for you the opposite of freedom isn’t having choices to do what you want when you want. These opposites in our life, & just about every concept or emotion has an opposite, helps give definition to the term. Freedom would not actually be quite the same if prison did not exist. But, now let me ask you this?Do you feel, at least in part, that you’re somewhat imprisoned in your engagement to your fianc??

Client: ?ummmm?I do not know?I think in a sense, yeah, maybe. But, that is ok?I mean is not relationships about compromise?

Counselor: Yes?but that compromise is based closely on open & honest dialogue & discussion; it is not based closely on assumptions or solely a desire to not make waves or rock the boat & I get a sense that you may be compromising yourself without having fully explored your thoughts & feelings with your fianc?. And that kind of compromise can make you feel trapped?or imprisoned. Healthy compromise, based closely on good communication, will not make you feel that way. You will feel free because you made the choice to compromise, you were not manipulated into it.

Client: What do you mean manipulated?

Counselor: It seems to me her behavior of withdrawing & not talking to you when she is upset is manipulative?and childish.

Client: Well?.yeah?.umm?.you might be right?.umm?and I do not feel as what I want for us is taken real seriously?It’s about what she wants. And when she does not get what she wants?well?she gets that way.

Counselor: So, what would happen if you sat down with her & told her that you do not want to have children right away?that you want to wait a year or two?

Client: She would get her way?persuasive at first & then withdrawn if I do not give in.

Counselor: But, then things would be ok ?after a while

Client: Yeah, I think so.

Counselor: And what if they didn’t?

Client: Umm?.I do not know?I’d probably apologize to her & say she can have whatever she wants?

Counselor: That’s not compromise?and you would feel imprisoned.

Client: Yeah?I think so. So, what should I do?

Counselor: I am not going to tell you what you should do…But, I’ll ask you this: Are you willing to at least consider having a talk with your fianc? & telling her pretty straightforwardly what you do & do not want in the immediate future with her?

Client: Geez?.ummm?yeah, I suppose so. I have kind of done that?but it ends up the same way?

Counselor: And when she tries to change your mind with her persuasion, would you be willing to not give in, to hold your position?

Client: Ummmmm?I do not know if I can?but, yeah, I can attempt it… I have done it before, I just do not like it?especially the silent treatment.

Counselor: And when she then withdraws into the silent treatment would you be willing to not apologize?to wait for her to come to you?

Client: Ummm?I’ve never done that before?I always end up going to her.

Counselor: Well, there is a first time for everything. It might be difficult?but, it could be an important step for you?and for the relationship.

Client: Yeah?ok?geez?what if she just does not come back at all?

Counselor: Well, what would that say about the relationship?

Client: Ummm?that it is not that good, huh?

Counselor: It would strongly suggest that the two of you really need to communicate better… What if she comes to you after a few weeks & tries to persuade you again?you said she can be quite persuasive??

Client: yeah?I do not know?I think I had give in?again.

Counselor: You mean you would become a little bit imprisoned?

Client: Geez?yeah?I think so?

Counselor: How could you stay freer if that were to happen?

Client: I do not know?hold my ground?

Counselor: Perhaps?you could also ask her if she would be willing to stay & talk more about it?not withdraw?not do the silent treatment.

Client: Hmmm?that’s a good idea?you know, we have really never done that?whenever there is a conflict like this?we do not really talk it through?she just does her thing?and I?eventually?give in.

Counselor: And then you feel a bit imprisoned?and you find yourself having an on line affair where you feel freer.

Client: Hmmmm?yeah?you might be right?hmmm?so, what happens now?

Counselor: You consider having a talk with your fianc??you begin to communicate & you do not apologize for expressing your needs & your wants?you wait for her to complete her silent treatment & come to you & you then again express your desire to talk it through?to come to a mutually satisfying compromise.

Client: ?gee?I do not know?but, yeah?you’re right?I know that?I just do not know how it’ll work out?

Counselor: No, you don’t?and all you can do is put yourself out there?express yourself?express you needs & wants?have a discussion?even argue?a lot if that is what it takes?

Client: She may just withdraw?completely?.

Counselor: And?

Client: And I do not know what I would do?

Counselor: Take a guess?what would you do?

Client:?Umm?Call her up & ask her to talk to me?

Counselor: And what would you want her to say to you?

Client:?Ummmm?that we need to talk this through…that this withdrawing & silent treatment is?.manipulative?and childish?would that work?

Counselor: Well, I suspect that isn’t what she would say?that is what you might say?and you would like her to say that?perhaps because you would like her to take charge, see the problem?and take steps to correct it.

Client:..Yeah?Geez?this is not going to be easy?

Counselor: No…it may not actually be easy?but, it’s important.

Client: yeah?yeah?ok?

Counselor: If she does agree to talk with you?I would recommend that you suggest the two of you go straight to couple’s counseling. It could help the two of you learn how to communicate, negotiate & compromise in a healthy way?I suspect the on line affair is your way of filling the need to not just feel free, but to communicate with some one who engages you… But, you can have that with your fianc? if you work at it.

Client: Yeah?okay?.

Counselor: Okay?At this point I think we are done?I think you have answered the question about why you’re so captivated by the on line affair?I think the on line affair is a way of telling you that there is something amiss in your relationship with your fianc?, & I think you now have an idea of what that something is?and can take steps to fix it.

Client: Yeah?ok?thanks for your help?

Counselor: You’re welcome.

Ken Fields is a nationally certified, licensed mental health counselor. During the past 25 years, he has helped individuals, couples, families & groups address a variety of issues ranging from spiritual malaise to children with autism. He has been a crisis intervention counselor & an administrator at a human service agency. Currently, Mr. Fields gives relationship & career counseling as well as communication coaching on line at http://www.openmindcounseling.com