What Is A Divorce Coach

Don’t be surprised if you have not heard of a divorce coach, or if you view the idea with skepticism. Divorce coaching is a relatively new field which is still somewhat undefined. A look at the role of a divorce coach in the collaborative divorce helps explain the need for this additional resource as part of a collaborative divorce team.

In a traditional divorce, an attorney functions not just as a legal problem solver, but often as a therapist of sorts. Clients commonly face the emotional impact of their separation while trying to work on the legal aspect at the same time. Most attorneys are not trained to act as therapists & can not provide the proper emotional support to their clients. As a result, the attorney & client spend hours discussing the emotional aspects of divorce & the client ends up paying a enormous bill & receiving little more than a shoulder to cry on. In addition, many divorcing couples wind up in the traditional litigation route because they’re reacting to fear, anger & a desire for retribution & are not thinking about what will happen once the divorce battle has ended. A divorce coach helps solve these problems by refocusing emotion-based thinking & helping the couple determine what’s important for themselves & their children, both presently & in the future.

A divorce coach is a trained mental health professional who has been specially trained in collaborative law & who helps clients with decision making & goal setting. In a collaborative divorce, each party works with their own divorce coach to develop a plan of action. A divorce coach can assist a person move beyond the high level of emotion which is often a stumbling block to resolving any divorce related issues & to focus on achieving certain goals, whether lessening the emotional harm to children or encouraging a spouse to seek financial advice in preparation for being single. The coach can also provide effective problem solving tools to reduce misunderstandings in communication & help create solutions to emotionally loaded legal issues.

It is important to note the difference between a divorce coach & a therapist. A therapist seeks to uncover the source of the problem, i.e., the childhood issue from whence the conflict originates. A divorce coach, on the other hand, focuses on the situation at hand & works on problem solving. Rather than seeking a reason why the divorce happened, a coach helps clients take action & develop a plan for dealing with the here & now issues. For instance, a couple who is unable to communicate without arguing can be taught how to diffuse tension by recognizing certain conversational triggers which have lead to arguments in the past. This is especially important in cases where there’re children in common as the parties will have to co-parent even after the marriage is dissolved. A divorce coach also empowers parties to take action. A spouse who has been unemployed for a long period of time while raising children can be assisted with formulating a plan for obtaining the skills necessary to obtain an income of their own. A divorce coach will also hold the parties accountable for the goals they have set & will offer suggestions & additional resources for coping with the divorce.

In a collaborative divorce, the focus is on the impact on the family as a whole & not on either party as an individual. Divorce coaches can be an very useful resource in the collaborative process as a well trained divorce coach can assist work past the emotional aspects of divorce & to create goals for the future.

Lori Barkus is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator, a Family Law Mediator & a Collaborative Divorce professional who practices in the areas of Marital & Family Law, Collaborative Divorce & mediation in Miami-Dade & Broward counties.