When a couple decides that divorce is the only option & separation is necessary, children are the ones that it affects the most. When you’re faced with the probability of divorce, you first need to make certain that you & your children are taken care of. While the separation is going on you can request temporary orders for support, custody & visitation. This will reduce the confusion & stress for you as well as your children. These are the terms of your separation & will be in place until the divorce settlement is final. Not having these details to worry about will allow you the time & energy to be there for your children when they desperately need your attention.

Do you want to get a divorce & still have children that are emotionally intact? It is not easy, but it can be done. This morning while out Christmas shopping I picked out something rather appropriate for my ex & his wife. They have been on my list for a long time-some thirty years. I’m grateful that I still care enough about his feelings to express that at Christmas & for the record I send a birthday card to him every year. It was not always like that & thirty years ago when the children were young it was very hard for us to be civil to one another.

The temptation was there-to malign & disparage him at every turn. The first month we were not really a family when he brought them home from church they had a few things to say that startled me. They were expressing his anger at me in their innocent little voices & I heard it loud & clear. I simply phoned him to say that this was not the way it would be. In fact I said that the girls & I would leave the state & make things very hard if he spoke poorly of me. In turn I promised not to speak ill of him & I kept that promise.

Later in life I was unfortunate enough to have an abusive relationship which presents a whole new set of problems as it relates to your children. So I do understand that a person might have difficulty holding their tongue in certain circumstances. It’s never easy to divorce. So many dreams are shattered & the marriage failure makes virtually everyone feel at fault. Frankly, it’s something that you’ll never fully recover from. If your main concern is the emotional health & future well being of your children, please keep the ugly thoughts about your spouse from your children.

Although this formula for a ‘good’ divorce may seem simplistic, the emphasis on a tolerant demeanor is paramount to keeping your children sane & happy. Please, please curb your anger when you’re around your children. It will pay off years later when you see them in happy, sound relationships with their spouses & children. You’ll realize that the tolerance & good judgment you showed helped your children to remain undamaged overall. Nothing about divorce is easy but maintaining a good attitude toward that person you once loved will have enormous payoffs in the stability of your children.

Copyright ? 2007 B. Steele

B. Steele is a realtor in Nevada & a contributing editor for http://www.efy-online.com She has worn many hats during her career-mostly in sales of some kind. Among her work experiences she lists: retail fashion owner, restaurant owner, sales manager at a weekly newspaper, etc. She enjoys working with the public & training other sales people. Visit: Especially For You Online Today!