How long should we wait to date after divorce? That is one problem that is probably not given enough thought. Far too many times, people go through divorce & the first thing they want, is to find some one else. It all seems like a good idea :idea: at the time, but if you take careful consideration, it makes more sense to wait until the proper time. You will save yourself some time & heartache that way, if you just become patient, & wait.

After my divorce, from a marriage of 28 years, I felt like I needed to make up for lost time. I thought of all those years of sitting at home alone with the kids, while my husband was doing his own thing. I deserved to have a good time, right? It was my turn to have some fun & kick up my heels! My kids were all grown now, why not have some fun! It should be easy to find me a man like I always wanted, I just needed to put myself out there!

The only problem was, even though I was still a slender attractive lady, I was now 45. I found the men in the bar that I liked were all interested in the much younger women, at least 10 ? 20+ years younger than them. I could not compete against that in my wildest dreams!

To begin with, I was shopping in all the wrong places, & shopping before my time. I myself did meet some men over the next year or so in the bars, & got involved in four different relationships. But all four failed miserably. I was totally destroyed by the time the fourth one had ended & was depressed & desperate. I wanted man so bad :cry: in my life, so he could make me happy. I kept wondering what was so wrong with me, & what was I doing wrong? Why was this happening to me?

What I discovered was that having a man in my life was about the last thing that I needed. I was too dependent & needy, & my vulnerability made me a prime target for all those sweet talking men in the bars. Right. What I really needed was to spend some time alone with myself, & get to know myself better, & God. So that is what I did, & I’ve not regretted it one bit. It was one of the most intelligent moves I made. Yes, I got really lonely at times, but I had to learn to become comfortable in my own skin, & God showed me how to love myself & others. God taught me a lot during this time of being alone in the dessert with Him. I learned to fellowship with other Christian friends, & stay away from the bars. As a result I was much happier, & knew the friends I was among now, were true friends who really cared & people I could depend upon. That is worth its weight in gold alone! We all need the support of like minded believers, to help keep us on track & hold us accountable. It’s so easy to get off track, & loose our way.

I have heard that you really need to stay single one year for every five years you’re married, in order to heal & get rid of any excess baggage. During the healing period, you really need to fill your mind with the thoughts of the Lord, & look to him for guidance as well. You can do this by studying his word each day, & spending time in prayer. As far as the equation, I do not know if it’s really very reliable. But I do know that with the help of the Lord, it was pretty accurate for me. I was married 28 years, & I was single for 6 years before I was really ready as a mature Christian to be in a relationship again.

God wants us to learn to put him first in our lives, then all the things we want, will added unto us. But we truly have to seek Him with all our hearts, & live a life that is pleasing to Him. Then things will eventually fall into place when the Lord knows you’re ready. I’m glad I waited on the Lord, rather than trying to take matters into my own hands, & picking a wrong person. That is all God wants, is for us to trust Him, & then at the proper time it will happen. I trust that He will bring the right person into my life at exactly the right time. Until them I’m enjoying life with no regrets.

Nancy is a Master Certified Christian Life Coach & specializes in helping single women put their lives back together & finding their true purpose in life. She loves helping others. You can visit her web site at http://www.Godsguidance4singles.com