The Start Of The Affair: Four Stages

When you are starting a relationship with a committed man, it may seem that you are the only person in the world to feel the way you do. Sorry, but that is just not true. In actual fact, relationship experts will tell you that all affairs follow a classic pattern. That’s right. From the time you first set eyes on each other you’re doomed to be lured in & will remain in that relationship until good sense or a broken heart pull you out. The only way to avoid this is to recognize the pattern as it occurs.

Step One: Bonding

It does not matter where you meet your otherwise committed man. It might be at the office, at a conference or at a neighborhood bash. Whatever the location, this is the point at which you start to talk & to bond. You may be chatting about shared interests, about children, about marital problems. You might even be chatting to your committed other in an Internet chat room. Chances are you will not even know at this stage that he’s committed to some one else. What you talk about does not matter as much as the feeling that the two of you share a special relationship. As you get to know each other, emotional sparks start to fly.

Step Two: Secrecy

OK, you can bond with many people, but that does not mean that you are going to start a relationship. However – the sign that things are going too far is when you stop telling other people about your bond with this person. By now you might have found out that he’s committed, but since you are just friends, there’s no reason to worry anyone with the details. There is more. The secrecy increases your bond as you feel that the two are you’re involved in a completely unique & special relationship. You’re starting to fall in love. So you do not tell your friends (unless you are sure they will not disapprove) that you’re attracted to a married man. After all, you do not want the cold water of reality to quench the flames of passion, do you?

Step Three: Dating

Once you pass the secrecy stage, you want to extend your relationship. This is where you find excuses to get together. It could be coffee, lunch or something more. Maybe you go straight to see a movie, just as friends, of course. After all, there’s nothing really going on ? or is there? This person is a colleague or friend, nothing more, despite the attraction you feel for each other. And he will manufacture excuses to get close to you to keep the relationship smoldering.

Step Four: Intimacy

This is where you take the final step that moves your relationship from a friendship to something more. This could be the start of a roller coaster. Let us face it, the sex is great & the thrill of secrecy is greater, so why stop now? And at the back of your mind, you are probably thinking that if what he’s told you is true, he will soon be committed to you.

Sorry, but that just is not likely to happen. In most cases men go back to their wives or girlfriends once the thrill is over & you’re left with a broken heart. Of course, you could be lucky & be one of the 10 per cent of other women whose committed partner ends up sharing a home with her.

Melody Roberts owns & maintains an internet support forum for women who find themselves involved in a relationship with a committed partner. Find support, information & meet others in the same situation at The Other Woman Support Forum.