Gloria recently discovered that her husband of 31 years had been in an affair for a number of years. She felt betrayed, angry, & very scared. The most puzzling thing for her was that her husband was begging her not to end the marriage. Here are 5 myths to be fully aware of if you’re person who has been betrayed.

1. Myth: If only you had “done this or that” the affair would not have happened

It is a typical initial reaction to put the blame for the affair on the other spouse. Keep in mind that the reasons your spouse got into an affair have to do with your spouse & not with you… There’re many other ways that unhappiness in a marriage could have been addressed.

2. Myth: You need to trust me

There is no way that you can blindly trust. Trust gets rebuilt over time. It’s based closely on being true to ones word, having actions match words, not having secretive phone messages or absences. Your task is to trust what you observe & comment behaviorally on that while staying away from interpretations & accusations.

3. Myth: the affair is over

Only time will tell if the affair is over. Often it takes a while to truly end the affair because of “not wanting to hurt” the affair partner or the affair partner may not want the affair to end. Leave the ending of the affair for your spouse to work out. It’s not your job to be the detective.

4. Myth: I need to keep my spouse faithful

Your job will be to start focusing on yourself & making sure that you’re taking good care of yourself. Finding out about an affair is a jolt to ones emotional well being. Put your energy into taking care of yourself & not on keeping tabs on your spouse. Your spouse needs to find a way to end the affair if he/she truly wants the marriage to work. If you also want the marriage to work put your energy into being the kind of marriage partner you want to be.

5. Myth: Everything is fine because I’ve ended the affair.

Unfortunately it’s not so simple. For most couples it takes some real work to learn to re-connect with each other in a caring & loving way. Frequently marriage counseling may be necessary in order to learn new communication skills & ways to emotionally connect with each other.

Couples who desire to stay together can get through an affair if they genuinely want to re-connect with each other. It will take time & a willingness to put effort into rekindling their love.

For more tips & tools on enhancing your relationship please visit: http://www.vibrantrelationships.com & http://www.kristinavonr.com by relationship expert Kristina von Rosenvinge