Staying married is tough. That’s one of the reasons so very many people give up.

But staying together after a bankruptcy is really tough. Not only do you have your personal issues to work through, but you are constantly getting conflicting financial advice that can put you deeper in the hole.

My wife & I myself made a promise early on in our bankruptcy that the “D” word was not allowed to be uttered in our home.

It must have helped.

Although neither of us has been divorced, we were headed in that direction on a few occasions. There is more. There was the time in 1995 that Michele stayed in a hotel overnight without telling me where she was. There is more. That was a real wake-up call.

But what would I’ve done if divorce had ever been an option?

I would have started by reading Mistake 24 on page 47 in Do You Make These 38 Mistakes with Your Credit? Here’s what it says:

“A divorce decree doesn’t change the fact that you’re a co-borrower on a loan. What typically happens is a couple divides their debt with no regard for who is legally responsible for the debt. Each person is still responsible regardless of what the judge says.

Both co-borrowers will suffer if one borrower defaults. So it is best to assume responsibility for all debt for which you were a co-borrower. This will ensure your credit isn’t negatively affected.

If you’re unable to assume responsibility for all co-borrowed debt, it is best to close the accounts.

If you have accounts that you can not close, refinance them to put them in one person’s name.

Closing accounts in this situation is the lesser of two evils. It will lower your scores, but it is better than repeatedly making late payments (refer to Mistakes 11 & 36).

You should also contact your lenders to determine what other options you have.”

As I said, a divorce decree does not change the fact that you’re responsible for any credit held jointly.

When you open joint accounts you & your partner sign a legally binding agreement holding both of you responsible for the account. The divorce decree is another binding agreement between two people who consent to divorce. It doesn’t change previous agreements between you & other creditors.

It does not matter to the creditor who actually made the charges (if it is a credit card). It does not matter who agreed to pay in the divorce decree. And it certainly does not matter to the creditor that you are getting a divorce. The creditor will attempt to collect from both borrowers.

A word to the wise, do not sign a divorce petition until everything with your jointly held credit is worked out. Promises to fulfill at a later time or by a certain date can be overlooked & expensive to enforce.

What I mean by “worked out” is that all credit held jointly is closed, refinanced into individual names, or paid off to eliminate the debt.

“Worked out” doesn’t mean that your ex-spouse has signed a promissory note or some other legal document promising to pay off debt.

An irresponsible or vengeful ex-spouse can wreak havoc on your credit rating for years after a divorce. It is legal harassment in its truest form.

Bottom line: the best advice I can give you is?

?do not sign a divorce decree until all credit matters are resolved. Signing the divorce decree should be your trump card & a very good reason to make things happen your way.

What I have gleaned from divorced couples I have talked with is that they believe signing papers at the lawyer’s office resolves everything. It doesn’t.

You need to truly resolve matters, which, as I wrote above, means get your name removed from everything jointly held before you sign the divorce papers. There is more. That could mean refinancing, creating individual accounts, paying off debt, closing accounts, or whatever it takes.

The last thing you need are late payments appearing on your credit reports after your bankruptcy is discharged. A series of recent late payments can cripple your chances of getting low interest rates after bankruptcy & keep the dark cloud of bankruptcy hanging over your head well after it should.

If you plan ahead & pay close attention to credit accounts held jointly, you can ensure that your credit reports & FICO credit scores will not get damaged any worse. This is something that your divorce attorney will never tell you about. It is not their area of expertise. They simply do not know what kind of impact a divorce will have on your credit reports & credit scores. And frankly, they do not usually care.

When you are married, it is often easier to just make all accounts joint accounts. Many of us do it without even thinking. However – if you can both agree to have separate accounts in addition to your joint accounts, it can potentially save months & years of frustration for both of you if you do get divorced–or, for that matter, if there’s an unexpected death, disability or layoff.

Another situation where things can get sticky is when your ex-spouse files bankruptcy & you don’t. The creditors of jointly held accounts that your spouse filed bankruptcy on will come knocking on your door for payment…and eventually may push you into filing bankruptcy (if you have not already) regardless if the debts that the spouse filed on were in the divorce decree.

Be aware that your spouse’s negative narratives may appear on your credit reports & damage your credit. I talk about negative narratives on page 55 of Do You Make These 38 Mistakes With Your Credit?

Here are some credit tips to help you through a divorce:

  • Close joint accounts before you separate or divorce to stop your former spouse from running up charges & leaving you responsible for the balance. Closing accounts is the lesser of the two evils in this situation. Closing accounts before you separate will make it easier since your spouse is more likely to cooperate with you… Some financial institutions will require the primary account holder to close the account. If that is not you, then you are going to need the help of your soon to be ex-spouse.

  • Establish separate accounts, such as credit cards, gas cards & retail cards. There is more. This ensures that both parties are individually responsible for their own accounts, which is valuable in a divorce. The crown jewel out of this is you will not have to worry about re-establishing credit on your own…because you’ll already have it.

  • Arrange new individual lines of credit with the same lenders to replace each joint account & transfer agreed upon balances to those new accounts. You want to avoid paying any new charges your ex-spouse makes.

  • Some creditors will require you to pay off the account before they put it in an individual name. If you can not pay off the balance, at least attempt to close the account to stop any new charges

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  • It may be very wise to have an attorney involved if creditors refuse to cooperate with you… The first thing your attorney will need is a copy of the agreement you signed with the creditor. There’re many legal service plans that are cost-effective for this sort of thing.

  • Try settling the account with the creditor directly by paying a smaller amount than what’s owed. The threat of bankruptcy could help your plea. Just be sure you get promises in writing from the creditor. Also make certain they will not report or attempt to collect on the deficiency balance.

  • Pay the jointly held bills yourself–then go after your spouse for the money owed.

    • Of course, you should also find a good & trustworthy lawyer (good luck!) to help you… Obviously, I am not a lawyer. And none of what I just wrote should be misconstrued as legal advice. My focus here your credit rating.

    Stephen Snyder is the founder of the After Bankruptcy Foundation a non-profit organization that gives free bankruptcy recovery information He has also helped people recover from divorce after bankruptcy.