Even when both spouses have known that their marriage has been rocky for some time, one of them, the husband or the wife, actually asking the other for a divorce isn’t only shocking, can still be quite devastating.

Marriage is tough, but divorce is even tougher, especially with the effect of divorce to children.

Talking with your children is never easy. Sure they may have heard of divorce & many will have friends that are divorced. You’ll find that most kids are terribly upset with the prospect of losing a parent, after all they have already been told by their friends how terrible “divorce” is.

If you have children it’s of course preferable that you’re able to stay married. I do not mean to stay unhappily married & be living loveless & separate lives, but still being roommates with your spouse.

What I mean is for both spouses to work on the marriage, getting counseling from a family therapist whose intent is to help you stay happily married, not help you find things to argue about, & to find it in yourself to love your spouse.

If, even with the family counseling, you find that a divorce is necessary, live as close to your former spouse as possible. This will allow you to continue being active in your children’s lives & for them to see you almost on a daily basis, so that the effect of divorce to children will not actually be as bad :cry: as it could be.

Blaming your partner is easy & many family therapists are often divorced themselves & end up doing nothing more than facilitate the arguments between your spouse. So please be very careful in choosing a family therapist. Get referrals from couples who are still married, if they ended up divorced, does not it stand to reason that the therapist did not do that well?

If you & your spouse can reach an agreement amongst yourselves, via a mediator, the courts & the presiding judge are very agreeable to ruling on what you have agreed to.

Not only is mediation and/or doing it yourselves, much easier on both parties & the children, it’s faster & much cheaper than if you both retain attorneys & battle each other.

If you’re fortunate enough to be easily able to work out the divorce on your own or through a mediator, it’s best for virtually everyone involved, especially your children. However – you want to make certain that you get the legal forms & advice that you need & will stop problem years from now.

If you do need to hire an attorney because of the complexity of your divorce, asset division, income, visitation & custody of your children, etc., make certain you find a lawyer who specializes in family law.

Get referrals & then talk with the lawyer(s) about your case & the complexities involved. Make sure that they’re the attorney you feel can best represent you & get a written agreement making the fee/retainer or even a refundable retainer, clear to you.

If you find yourself thinking “is it time for a divorce lawyer” or wondering if you do need to find a divorce lawyer click on over to Mike Herman’s site http://www.NeedADivorceLawyer.com